Mrs. Leary's Cow: A Legend of Chicago — Context and Discussion

Presented By The Black River Insurance Co., Watertown, N. Y.

[Shortly after the Chicago fire, there appeared a dismal-looking photograph card of this celebrated bovine, on the reverse of which was printed this remarkable legend:

"ORIGIN OF THE CHICAGO FIRE.

"On the other side of this card will be found a life-like picture of Mrs. Leary and the cow that kicked over the lamp that caused the great fire in Chicago.

"Mrs. Leary got her living by selling milk; she had five cows, and kept them in her barn on De Koven street, on the west side of the river. A neighbor woman called on her for a pint of milk at nine o'clock Sunday night, October 8th, and Mrs. Leary, having sold all she had, went to the barn with her lamp to make a further draft on her best cow. The cow, as seen by the picture, being a spirited animal, became indignant at the attempt, kicked over the lamp, setting the barn on fire, and thus inaugurated the greatest fire the world has ever seen."]

|THIS is the Cow, at the Leary back gate,

Where she stood on the night of October the 8,

With her old crumpled horn and belligerent hoof,

Warning all "neighbor women" to keep well aloof.

Ah! this is the cow with the crumpled horn

That kicked over the lamp that set fire to the barn

That caused the Great Fire in Chicago!

|THIS is Chicago, all blasted and burned,

The Paradise whither insurance men turned;

But from which they now bring sad faces away,

Sorely vexed with the losses they're called on to pay,

Since the fire-fiend encircled the city that day.

And they swear at the cow with the crumpled horn

That kicked over the lamp that set fire to the barn

That caused the Great Fire in Chicago!

|THIS is the Frame Range of best northern pine,

The banquet on which hungry flames love to dine,

Which agents so oft manage _not_ to decline,

But write (in their slop-bowls) a "moderate line,"

Because--don't you see--the commish is so fine.

Ha! this is the range which delighted to carry

The passenger flames o'er the devil's own ferry,

And utilize mischief by spreading it faster

Than men could compete with the fearful disaster.

How sad and how strange are the memories now

Which hang round the heels of that old Leary cow--

That wretched old cow with the crumpled horn

That kicked over the lamp that set fire to the barn

That caused the Great Fire in Chicago!

|THIS is the Company, gloomy and glum,

Which admits that it has some few (?) losses, yes _some!_

But its officers think their best motto is "mum,"

As they stroke their gray chins and look wise and sing dumb;

While inside they are praying, "Good Lord, please deliver

Our souls from the fear of old Miller's receiver."

And they view with the most acrimonious hate

That regurgitant cow at O'Leary's back gate,

As she stood on the night of October the 8,

When she kicked at the lamp that set fire to the barn

That caused the Great Fire in Chicago!

|THIS is the Statement the Company made:

(Directors and Officers thickly arrayed,

To soften the jar as they strike the up grade,

Where the millions of losses will have to be paid.)

"Our agency records, we deeply regret,

Are burned at Chicago, are out in the wet,

Or else there is, h--m, there is some slight impediment,

Some something-or-other, some sand or some sediment

Has got in the keyhole, disordered the lock,

Or razeed the dividends, watered the stock,

Or some trifling thing not yet quite in sight;

But the _Company_, sir, is all right, is all right;

Our surplus is safe, and our stock is intact,

Our losses are all reinsured--why, in fact,

We never, in all our official career,

Felt more gay and festive, more full of good cheer.

Just put up the rates and go on with the biz,

These losses will all be arranged with a whiz.

The thing we will have straightened out in a jiffy,

And the next that you'll hear will be ten per cent, divvy."

But you ought to have seen them when, in the back room,

They poured out anathemas like a mill-flume

On that old Leary cow with the crumpled horn

That kicked over the lamp that set fire to the barn

That caused the Great Fire in Chicago!

|THIS is November, a month from the fire;

And the ascertained losses reach higher and higher.

As the figures go up the long faces go down,

Till the month-ago-boaster appears like a clown.

The trick of deception is voted a sham;

The people say _fraud_, and the agents say --------,